My mother hates the word "Fuck". I have told her that I will try to watch it around her, but sometimes that isn't possible......for me.
I like to speak my mind, and sometimes that involves cussing someone or something out. Sometimes I use this language to get my point across, get attention, or motivate someone who is sleeping with demonic zombies all the damn time.
Listen, I understand what it means to be hated. Trust me. I understand it very well. I'm not very liked by most, but those who do like me, really like me, really understand me, and understand why I am who I am. But those who hate me, whoa! I've never placed much emphasis on things that people say that are hateful or meant to cheapen me. They obviously have issues that are unresolved or they don't like me. In either case, that's not my problem.
But I would be a lying fool if I told you that I was never on the other end. It's not something I am proud of, and I never did often, but I remember one guy I picked on all the time! I was so ruthless to him. At the time I didn't realize that what I did and said was so awful that he felt a great weight because of it. I didn't like him. I don't know why. He was pretty cool, and we never argued really, didn't even have the same taste in women. I was athletic and he was into sports, but more into other things. When I look back I see how we were a lot alike, and I'm pretty sure it was jealousy, although I can't pinpoint it as that. I do know that I have felt bad for that to this day, and I'm sure he does not like me at all, and I completely understand why.
Just a side note here: I did not bully this kid.(my best friend's little sister could have beat me up). I know there is a whole new "bullying hunt" out for anyone that ever did/does anything mean, but I did not bully. I was mean, but I never threatened anyone. You can have my take on bullying (among other "hunts" in a later blog when I get much more brave about what I post online).
I guess I didn't place much weight on what I was doing at the time, because I was use to shaking comments and hateful actions towards myself, off all the time, so I figured he would do the same. I've always thought that the bigger man was the one that could take it, not dish it. Any one can dish out hurtful/hateful shit. Anyone. I'm not that kind of guy, and I did it.
When I was younger, I was able to shake things off easier. "you're too short", "You suck", "You're too small", "she's not into you", "you're gay", "dumbo" (I had huge ears, I did), "You're brother and friends are bigger and better than you". And this is just the list that was said to my face before high school. This doesn't include the things I found out, or things after high school. As I got older, that hurt started to turn to anger, bitterness, and resentment. The insults got harsher and came from people closer. The attacks started to get more personal and caused feeling of failure, depression, and even suicide.
I once told my best friend that if someone cheats on you, it's on them, not on you. Guess what, it's no different when some one "hates" on you or tries to make you feel like morning horse shit. It's all on them. I've learned to face it head on, specially if it is someone close, and then be done with it. No one is worth your time! The only people that are worth your time, are the people you decide to give it to, and you should actually keep most of it for yourself.
Let's not sit here and think that this matter stopped when we graduated, or when when "grew up". Shit, all "grew up" means is that you are watering yourself with the same damn fertilizer you used in high school. Don't grow up, and don't tell anyone to grow up. Grow out. Grow out of things, Grow into new ones. Try not to get offended so easily. People who are trying to offend you don't expect you to be able to laugh at yourself. You're not laughing with them, because when you laugh, they stop.
There is no laughing in a den of lions, only hate. Laughing attracts too much attention! Laugh and waken the Lion!
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