What you do is what you are.

I stopped writing for a while. I was going to title this "Never, never , never quit",  "Stick and Stay", "Keep Going", or something of the sort, but I try to use words and phrases that aren't over used or cliche'. Truth be told I quit writing because I got bored, didn't think I deserved to even be writing (my opinion and thoughts don't matter), and it was headed in a direction I didn't like (I needed time to work things out).

An acquaintance of mine, that had been reading my blog pointed out that there was this weird negativity in the air about it, and I had been feeling that way for a bit, and I didn't want it, so I decided that my writing wasn't the place for it. So, I took a break. I didn't know if or when I would start again, and as I am now sitting here, I still don't know how often I'll post, or even if I have the ability to focus enough to make it a habit.

So today I have been reading articles since I got up. Stuck in a rut of effort that is getting no where, I have learned in the past that in order for something to change, you have to change something (sometimes pretty drastically, but not always) in your life first.

Letting my intuitions guide my reading with my antennas up, I read an article about Ryan Freel, an ex-baseball player, who was as erratic as he was troubled. I see signs in that story of many lives, my own included, all-be-it from different angles. The second was on Meditation and how it can make you look (and possibly feel) younger.

Stay with me, I'm getting there. We all have desires, hopes, and dreams. They are unique to you, and therefore the journey towards them will be as unique as you are. If you aren't unique and you follow a crowd normally, then you're journey will be down a very worn path, with many people, but don't be shocked when you go down that path, and it isn't exactly what you envisioned. People say all the time that "you are what you eat", or "you act the way you think", so the message is clear; "Change what you eat and think". Easy, right? No, not always! Why? Because that road is broad and worn, easy to see.

So here is my solution, in order to put your own hopes, dreams, and wants on the line, change what you do. Everything else is fluff. When you do it in this manner two things happen, you get to take responsibility for your own actions, the benefits ( or consequences) for those actions, and their outcomes are your's and your's alone. All the other "behaviors" are things someone else can take "credit" for and that's why they are harder to change. You're ability to claim ownership of those is cheapened by the ability of other to influence the way you think. You're actions are your's and your's alone. This is why someone will blame you for acting a certain way, and claim they have you're best interest at heart because they are trying to help you change the way you think, which in turn will change the way you behave. This is sinking sand.

We say all the time that actions speak louder than words. So do what you do and don't let someone who is trying to influence you mentally, tell you how you should act. The fact is, you know how you are acting and if you want something, mold you're actions in a way that will allow you to pursue your hopes, dreams, and desires. If you do this in a way you're life will allow it, then you will start to see the fruit of your efforts.

Yes it's late.

.....and headed into the weekend. I waited to post this blog on purpose.

I am gaining some of the best traction in my life. I am. But if you think that that means it's easy, you need to stop thinking. This is, and has been the most difficult time period in my life. It's a transition, yes, but that doesn't mean it's easy. For years, everyone I can think of has told me that things will get better. They don't. For years people told me God cares, or they loved me. He doesn't care (because it isn't his responsibility), and people can only love to the extent that they know love (or themselves, and usually those that love them selves are not very loving, in general).

I have been accused of having it easy, and being happy (as if that should be accusatory at all), looking happy, and everything else, while being thrown under the bus and reminded and reprehended for past transgressions and failures. You have to live past that (ironic). You have to get through that and see who you really are. 

I went to a birthday party for a dear friend tonight. I don't get invited out a lot (despite what people think), and I got to see an old friend from High School, and that was good as well. What really worked tonight was (what I felt) solidifying a friendship with a high school friend and her husband. I have a roommate and best friend, and don't get me wrong she is awesome, but you need more than one person in your life. 

Sure as I go threw everyday, and every night, I battle feelings and thoughts of failure and regret; fear and judgement. They may not be evident, but they are there. I don't feel I am any different than any other human, and I have learned that anyone that can feel their feelings, has the same things going on that I do. 

In baseball, every one knows that there is a time period when you start to get on a hot streak. That is true, and the baseball looks like the size of a beach ball; yes! But guess what? Odds are that hot streak was preempted by a cold streak. Depending on the severity; one in which many "bandwagon fans" may have jumped off, and depending on the length or the time frame, he may have been traded to different teams even. You know what though? None of that matters, because that individual is now on a hot streak. This cold streak is coming to a close. All those who witnessed it, gave up on it, or otherwise, just watch! Those who kept believing, just watch! Those who are instigating and instructing it, just watch! 

Get your den in order, so that when the opportunity comes, you can hit the sweet spot over and over again! 

We are only a product

You can be no more than you experience.

Your life cannot amount to more than you experience. Sometimes this helps. When you are going through great times, bad times, or something new, it helps to know that this is growing you. It's not always easy, and sometimes is paralyzingly scary, but in the end you are more. I read an article this morning that helped me with my "let down" from vacation.

It's not that vacation was time off, I already have too much of that, it was that I experienced so many new things, and I realize there is so much more out there to have! It never fails to amaze me when narrow minded (experienced) people try to place their stamp on something they have never experienced. When they try to understand those who have.

One of my favorite people to follow is Richard Branson. He is always encouraging everyone to experience their days differently. Take a different way to work, change things up, don't something you want that you normally wouldn't, stop fearing, don't be afraid of "the man". His twitter page is full of mind challenging thoughts that make your mind experience things you normally wouldn't. Giving your mind the power and permission to experience things it normally wouldn't can be life altering!

Get out there and meet new people, do new things, have zero agenda, and find out what great things come your way. Find out why less is more, and more is less; and also why both of those can be good things.

A strict den is a dungeon, a life that brings the outside in the a den full of life!

Too much of a good den is a bad thing.

Sometimes we make excuses that make zero sense.

Sometimes I want things to be as hard as they seem. The reality is that I am making them harder. Sometimes I get into funks and don't believe I can write a blog or even function that day. The truth is, I'm bored, and not just bored, but bored and stuck. 

Any human needs to be productive in order to feel good about themselves. The moment they aren't productive is when darkness starts to creep in. I need productivity, you need productivity. Some handle humility better than others. I can admit that I haven't handled that well, even though I know it's the key to peace. 

Our hopes and dreams are one thing, but attaining them is quite another. Going out and doing whatever it takes is not easy. Ask anyone who has ever had to work for what they have, no matter how much that is. The difference between a business leader and the common individual is persistence and patience. In some cases your circumstance will test one or both of these. Quitting doesn't have to be down right giving up, it can simply be the failure to act. 

Dave Ramsey often talks about taking time to build things properly, and that the effort you put in plus the time you take to build will equal your results. I know that sounds like a math formula, but it isn't. Some people expect things to happen too quickly, and they don't want to put in the time and effort it takes to get the results you want. I  had a boss like that, and they are the worst. Others want to do things quickly and won't pay attention to how they do them and they come crying that everything keeps falling apart. You have to do both. Only you can decide the pace while balancing your time and effort. 

So where am I going with this? I believe that everyone has something they love doing and something they do for a living. I also think that everyone should work towards freeing their selves from employement into their own freedom with both time and finances. I don't not however believe that it is good to ever stop working. I don't believe in retirement. Retirement to me is like signing deaths document. 

A den can be your job and/or your life. Spend time in multiple dens so one doesn't devour you! 

To my children.

To my children Shelby, Zachary, and Jeremy,

The world is wrong. You do not belong to your mother's side of the family. You are the son's and daughter of Me (Daniel), the son of Mitch, the son of Chester. History has always followed the line of the father. Women marry men and take on their names. Don't think that I am saying that your mothers are not important. They are, and they are special to me also, but the way things get set up by a court, it seems that father's aren't important or reliable. Those are lies!

The love I have for you is not anything you can understand until you are in my shoes. The only thing I can do is make sure you know I love you. Growing up I always thought my dad loved other children more than his own. I have other kids in my life that I care about, but I cannot love them the way I love you. You are my children. When I first became a father (Shelby) I knew I loved you more than any woman I had ever or would ever love. That was a game changer. When I became a father to sons, I knew my that either my dad did love me more, or he was (is?) crazy.

Each of you are very different. And different situations surround each of you everyday. I love each of you the same and in your own way. I don't get to do or say many of the things I want to. The state of Texas has decided that dads are not as important as mothers. They are wrong. Dad's are equally as important if not more so. Father's provide a sense of protection, strength, and love that mother's cannot. Much like Mom's provide different needs than dad's do for their children.

Don't pay attention to those who try to distinguish between Dad's and Father's either. There is no difference. Those who try to distinguish are just having "daddy issues". I am your Dad and I am your Father. Your Mothers are not your Father, your Granddads are not your Father, and your Mothers partners are not your Father. I am, and I will be that until the day you die!

I know this may seem like I am trying desperately to help you understand that I am your Dad, but that's not it. The point is, the three of you have changed my life forever. No one can take that from me ever! I might do a lot of things wrong, and mess up a million times, but I know that no one can take the pride and love I feel in each of you!

I look forward to each day I get to spend with each of you,
Your Father, Dad, Biggest Fan

The next time your den get crowded with trouble, and stress, and lies, and fear, remember who brings peace to your dens!

A new way.

Sometimes events and people can drastically change your perception, but that doesn't always help your reality.

I realize in this blog I have gone from more of an encouraging point of view, to a story telling point of view. They can also be the same. As many of you know, I took a trip to Hawaii (have I said it enough because I don't feel like I have). This trip helped. It helped me see the many things that are just not that important in life that I was making them so. It also helped me confess where I could do better and focus more so that I would get more out of life. Lastly, it also helped me see what things mattered to me, but also my lack of control over everything. 

Honestly, there are a lot of hateful people and things in my life that I would deal with if it were up to me. It's not. Trust me, those things made it harder to come back to. I've always been pretty care-free, easy going, and knowing how to handle given situations. I'm tired of that though. I met a lot of people on this trip, and I would trade a lot of the people I have to deal with in for them. 

I did come back to some good. My business partners are some of the best people I know. I have even told them we are going to Hawaii together next time! I told the same to my mom, for the entire family (although that might have to be a different locale). 

The perception of me from those in my past is not good. My youngest son asked if I had a job Saturday. Since I don't have a typical "job", this is how the conversation went down.

Jeremy: "Dad, do you have a job?"

Me: "Yes, I work with Advocare. Why do you ask?"

Jeremy: "Because I just didn't know."

If I could get the tone of his last sentence across to you, it would tickle you. I know where that question comes from, and I hate it. (Where it comes from, not the question itself.) 

I know Hawaii will fade, and it will make me sad. Or will it? It may have become a part of me in a way that has changed many priorities, perceptions, attitudes, and demeanor. It may have just made me a better person, and helped me remember to leave all the rest behind. But you don't have to go to Hawaii to get the same results (although I do recommend it). Just go somewhere or do something you haven't done before, and do that constantly and consistently. 

My roommate found out she liked flying, traveling, sailing, and relaxing (something she didn't think she could do). I found out I like adventure (probably a little too much). I like danger, risks, and fun. I danced on stage, cliff jumped, swam with dolphins, and yes I like golfing, so I did that. Some of these things helped us figure out what we really want back home. 

Don't stay in your den for too long, it becomes dull and dark. Get out and test your limits.

This blog is dedicated to Guatama, Natalie, Katy, Roger, Ashely, Jared, Casie, Steven, Chet, Britney, and Levi.

Put your sensors down and your feelers up.

There is an epidemic. We think God loves us for some reason. That is not true. We are not important enough to love, and we cannot accomplish anything worthy of love.

I probably would have stayed in Maui if I didn't have kids that I love. It would have definitely been easier to find a job. But that isn't my point. Flying back on a plane, when you get that high up, you realize you don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Countries, businesses, and world powers rise and fall, and it doesn't matter. We don't matter, and we don't exist because we are important, or needed.

I purposefully put this up on a Sunday. We go to church thinking we matter and what we are doing is important. It's not.

I have always loved easily and well; completely, and without condition. What I have learned is that humans don't respond well to this because we are use to and accustomed to judgement. I have learned that despite your encouragement, belief, and support of someone, eventually everyone caves into judgement.

The hardest thing to accomplish in life is to know yourself, and to know what that means. Judgement is like a storm cloud that never leaves. It clouds everything, and only when the cloud clears can you truly see clearly. In Maui the clouds rarely left the mountains. On my last day there, the cloud left the mountain across the ocean. Until then it was just a dark mass of land. Once the cloud cleared I could clearly see the beauty of the land; and it was gorgeous, full of color and different textures. This wouldn't have happened without the rain clouds.

So the next time you are in the dens of life, remember how beautiful that makes you outside of the dens!

Serve and be served.

Yes, again, I am on vacation.

No I am not going to give you the "everyone needs to relax and chill" mantra that comes with spending time in an exotic place with a highly relaxed atmosphere.

I'm not going to tell you that "everyone needs a vacation", or "sometimes you need to take a break".

Again, those sound too much like a cliche I hate cliches. Not as much as allergies, but enough that I don't do it.

I'm the same person on vacation that I am anywhere. Anyone who is different, is no better than the person who goes through their week judgmental only to attend "church" on Sunday.  The world is full of these people I prefer being different.

I like the room cold. I like the outside air when it isn't blazing or infectious. I like rain, clouds, skies, and nature. I'm not being all "vacationy" on you. I like these things everywhere. I also like serving. Yep. You heard me, I like serving. Some call it helping, or being helpful, I call it serving.

Having been a server (waiter) back home for many years, I wonder how locals feel when "tourists" visit their place. Sure, you're taught customer service, and politeness, but that doesn't always mean you feel like being that way. So even if I am the guest, I still feel compelled to serve the server, help them. Serving is what we do. If you aren't serving someone, you aren't doing anything!

Serving keeps the Lions at bay!

Aloha!

It's all about perception.

So yes, I am in Hawaii this week. Guess what though? Locals live here. Why is it different for us? Why is it vacation for us and not for them? It's gorgeous here, or is it?

Can they not see it, or is this beauty too common? I wonder if people visit Texas for the view? I doubt it. Why is it that living somewhere and vacationing to the same place is different. It's all about perception!

We see the same sunrise an sunset, over the same land. I've always been into skies, clouds, sunrises, sunsets, and storms. I don't think that will change anywhere I am.

It's also not just the perception but the "attitude" towards everything. I have a vacation attitude, not an every-day-humdrum attitude. I'll probably come back home (not thinking about that now), with a different perception of my life than I left with.

If you can't get away to Hawaii, a good local camping ground for a few days, could improve things as well. But everyone should visit Hawaii at least once in their life.

Life out of the den just got bigger and better!

Fuck haters! (Sorry mom)

My mother hates the word "Fuck". I have told her that I will try to watch it around her, but sometimes that isn't possible......for me.

I like to speak my mind, and sometimes that involves cussing someone or something out. Sometimes I use this language to get my point across, get attention, or motivate someone who is sleeping with demonic zombies all the damn time.

Listen, I understand what it means to be hated. Trust me. I understand it very well. I'm not very liked by most, but those who do like me, really like me, really understand me, and understand why I am who I am. But those who hate me, whoa! I've never placed much emphasis on things that people say that are hateful or meant to cheapen me. They obviously have issues that are unresolved or they don't like me. In either case, that's not my problem.

But I would be a lying fool if I told you that I was never on the other end. It's not something I am proud of, and I never did often, but I remember one guy I picked on all the time! I was so ruthless to him. At the time I didn't realize that what I did and said was so awful that he felt a great weight because of it. I didn't like him. I don't know why. He was pretty cool, and we never argued really, didn't even have the same taste in women. I was athletic and he was into sports, but more into other things. When I look back I see how we were a lot alike, and I'm pretty sure it was jealousy, although I can't pinpoint it as that. I do know that I have felt bad for that to this day, and I'm sure he does not like me at all, and I completely understand why.

Just a side note here: I did not bully this kid.(my best friend's little sister could have beat me up). I know there is a whole new "bullying hunt" out for anyone that ever did/does anything mean, but I did not bully. I was mean, but I never threatened anyone. You can have my take on bullying (among other "hunts" in a later blog when I get much more brave about what I post online).

I guess I didn't place much weight on what I was doing at the time, because I was use to shaking comments and hateful actions towards myself, off all the time, so I figured he would do the same. I've always thought that the bigger man was the one that could take it, not dish it. Any one can dish out hurtful/hateful shit. Anyone. I'm not that kind of guy, and I did it.

When I was younger, I was able to shake things off easier. "you're too short", "You suck", "You're too small", "she's not into you", "you're gay", "dumbo" (I had huge ears, I did), "You're brother and friends are bigger and better than you". And this is just the list that was said to my face before high school. This doesn't include the things I found out, or things after high school. As I got older, that hurt started to turn to anger, bitterness, and resentment. The insults got harsher and came from people closer. The attacks started to get more personal and caused feeling of failure, depression, and even suicide.

I once told my best friend that if someone cheats on you, it's on them, not on you. Guess what, it's no different when some one "hates" on you or tries to make you feel like morning horse shit. It's all on them. I've learned to face it head on, specially if it is someone close, and then be done with it. No one is worth your time! The only people that are worth your time, are the people you decide to give it to, and you should actually keep most of it for yourself.

Let's not sit here and think that this matter stopped when we graduated, or when when "grew up". Shit, all "grew up" means is that you are watering yourself with the same damn fertilizer you used in high school. Don't grow up, and don't tell anyone to grow up. Grow out. Grow out of things, Grow into new ones. Try not to get offended so easily. People who are trying to offend you don't expect you to be able to laugh at yourself. You're not laughing with them, because when you laugh, they stop.

There is no laughing in a den of lions, only hate. Laughing attracts too much attention! Laugh and waken the Lion!

What's your story?

Everyone has a story. Sometimes we forget that. I think this is the main reason I hate all cliches'. You can't blanket everyone's life with one statement. Certain statements make no sense being in someone's life given their story.

I love hearing people's stories, the problem is people don't love telling their stories. You can sit and talk about the worlds greatest statements and try and be encouraging, and all you end up doing is making them feeling worse about their story.

Stories are beautiful. Without stories you have nothing. You don't have life, a way to connect, happiness, or pain. Stories are the lifeblood of life. Without stories there isn't trust. Without stories there aren't friendships. Without stories there isn't much except pandering and posturing.

When someone tells you their story, they are inviting you into their den. Be respectful and understanding. When you use someone's den against them, that's the moment they have trust issue and begin to pull away from all human interaction.

Knowing someone's den does not give you power over them, it gives you power with them.

The Morning After.

Someday's your life is literally in the den. You can't change it, you can't fix it, and nothing is pulling you out. It happens. There is however a morning after! We all have experienced mornings after.....

The morning after your birthday.
The morning after that night you drank too much.
The morning after you lost someone close to you.
The morning after you quit/lost a job.
The morning after a divorce or break up.
The morning after a life changing business deal or job landing.
The morning after the doctor informs you you have cancer.
The morning after "your weekend with the kids".
The morning after you did something really stupid.
The morning after your last day of vacation.
The morning after a really bad dream.
The morning after your child is born.

Everyone knows these. Something is missing in the morning after. This list could go on and on. Life is filled with "mornings afters". There is cliche after cliche that tries to inspire someone to get to tomorrow, or get through the day. I think it's more important to have each day as it is. No, they aren't all going to be great, and no, they aren't all going to be productive. Maybe, just maybe you could use them in your blog the next day or to use down the road to help understand what someone else might be experiencing, that no one else understands.

Even in the worst of days, there is always the morning after, and the morning after forgot about yesterday.

What's your view like?

I have to constantly remind myself  that it's how you phrase the question when you are looking for answers.

Want to know what foods will help you? Don't search for what is unhealthy, your short answer to that is everything is bad for you. Instead ask, what foods will help me get to where I want.

Do you want to learn something new? Don't focus on learning something new in a field you already know, focus on something you know nothing about.

Do you want a new friend or job, don't look in your little bubble, look outside. I promise the world is bigger and better when you receive it instead of view it.

Do you want a better life, don't ask what you are doing wrong, ask what you can do to get it.

People who say they have tried everything known to man, are not people I would hang around. People who make excuses for why they do what they do, are not the type for me.

People who sigh, roll their eyes, or are full of sarcasm are defensive creatures that will rip you up before they communicate properly. Take these things and dust them off. Don't let things like this affect you. You will have good an bad days all on your own.

Not every time will the answer come to you. Not every time will you like the answer. Sometimes you may not be in a receptive season at the moment. Don't be afraid to place things on hold so that you don't overextend yourself therefore doing more harm than good.

Pay attention to the words that are used most often by you and those that are around you. Are they focusing on the can't, shouldn't, and wouldn't parts of life. Maybe it's time for a brain-cation. Change every can't into, can. Change every shouldn't into "How can I?". Change every wouldn't into will.

Plants that rot from plants of thought

If you plant a seed in the ground that gives it the opportunity to grow into a plant.

If you plant a thought in your mind that gives it the opportunity to grow into a characteristic.

Sometimes I feel like I'm writing the same things over and over and over. While I want to stay on the same concept, "Life out of the Den", my brain wants to include everything. I do believe that having multiple outlets in your life creates more freedom and the ability to be happy. If you only have one goal, one purpose in life, then everything else will depress and suppress you.

For example. I like business, I think it's fun. I like studying them, running them, and seeing myself buying and operating them one day. I like baseball. Not just to watch and study, but to play as well. It has always been a goal of mine to play for as long as I could and coach even longer. Coach my boys and others as well. Something I can do everyday that allows my brain to run, is landscaping and gardening. Much like the artist (although to some it isn't freeing, it's a burden), I can simply tune the world out around me and work on making my plot of land better than it was before. In some cases (most) that takes a lot of effort and work, but I don't see it is that. Plants are something that makes me happy. You can see progress every time you do something.

If I didn't have these things, I would feel that work was all I ever had. That would not be good. Work is something you get paid for. You have to find enjoyment in it while you are at it, but unless it's part of your daily life and routine and something you enjoy (luckily it is that for me), that isn't going to come easy. You have to come home to something else, and you need to have a reason to go home.

There are things in my life that I love because I want them there. There are more things in my life that I try to workout or don't want in my life, and they constantly try to ruin the things I do want for myself.

I often think of the founders of this nation and inventors of the things we enjoy now days and read what they wrote. I try to think like they think (not what other people say it was like). Whatever your spiritual text is, go to it. These people didn't think like we do. They had less, and created more. I've always preferred less and simplicity. If I feel a room getting cluttered, I'll gut it. If I feel off or not at peace with something, I'll rearrange everything from furniture to pictures, maybe even add something as long as it keeps things simple. Don't forget that plants have this affect also (both positive and negative)

A lot of the times it's me though. Something I have done or said, or something I let impress upon me that needs to waste away or be dealt with. My god it doesn't take long, it just takes saying it. Start acting against things that are torturing you. I watch people all the time stay in there den's of misery and despair and they don't say anything about it or ask for help. This is life in the den. Get out of it.

If you want out of the den, you have to ask of help. The inhabitants are not going to help you, help has to come from outside.

Tweaking when you're bored.

Do you want something, but don't know what?

Do you know what, but not how?

Do the opposite! Seriously, do the opposite.

When my wife divorced me I decided I was done with relationships. Focusing on me and my children made me happy. I have noticed that this attracted the one thing I don't want. Women who want relationships. I find that those that have what you want aren't trying to get it, that's why they have it.

Religious people listen up! Do you want God? The Atheists are closer than you are.
Do you want money? Stop working for, and depending on, it. Find a different reason for what you do.
Do you want happiness? Stop, and go do something that you hate, like getting dirty or not being responsible for once. You will find that freedom exists on the other side of yourself.

Sometimes your goals are counter productive. You use them to accomplish something yes, but then you use them as excuses not to do anything else. It's like grounding yourself. Goals are there to motivate you, not ground you or make you feel like a failure. They are there until they are attained, but they aren't the only thing that exists in your life.

If you are hitting all of your goals, you're doing it wrong. If you are never hitting any of your goals in the specified time, then you are doing it wrong. If there is no reason worthy enough to motivate you behind that goal, it's dead weight.

When it comes to getting what you want balance and dedication are the two players I want on my team always. If there are things in your life that don't help you balance and don't take dedication then they are part of the problem.

Listen to someone talk for a minute and you can tell which is off. Are they bored or are they out of balance. Are they workaholics or do they have no work ethic? They could use balance. Are they unmotivated, bored, tired, or down all the time? They could use some dedication to something outside of their current realm. First though, ask these questions about yourself, and then take your new found theme and go!

Often I will find myself bored. I find that this routine was helpful and grew me, but it's time to tweak it. I write on my mirror in my bathroom. I find that I am tweaking (not twerking, although some could use that as an item to do that they hate) and changing things at least weekly. When I find myself doubting something I ask is it me or someone imposing something on me, then I see if it would help or not. IF not, I move on, if so I tweak. Just walking into the bathroom, I can tell if something needs to change. If I'm tired of seeing that, or if it is useless and outdated.

I also don't use apps on my phone to track anything. I know they help some people, but not me. I like to listen to, and push, my body and mind. I will listen to other people's advise, specially if they know more about a certain subject than I do. In the end, it's up to me to do what I need to do.

Don't worry too much about what others do or others say because in the end you are only responsible for you.

When you tire of people.

Something weird happened the other day. My mother and I went to volunteer at a non-profit, and when we showed up to volunteer, they were astonished. They told us they would not be able to reimburse us in anyway for volunteering. We said we understood that (we were under the impression that volunteering didn't involve reimbursement), and they looked astonished. They even double checked to make sure we were serious, and then allowed us to proceed.

What has happened to Americans? Do we really operate out of what's in it for us? Has business and money seeped so deep into our need and desperation that we know no other way? If everyone stopped doing what they did for money, do you think they would still do it. I know that the richest (most of them) would probably still do what they do.

So what's the difference? What separates the rich from the poor. What separates the happy from the depressed; the needy from the content? There isn't one thing I believe, but a combination of many things. First be happy at what you're good and and be good at what makes you happy. Second, don't sit around waiting. If nothing is happening do something unrelated and without the need for reimbursement (charity, volunteer, nice). This could be a simple as helping a mother of three across the street. Typically though, the longer the event, the more rewarding it is. Thirdly, get out of your head. Go for a walk, exercise, motorcycle, theme parks, movies, the list goes on and on, but get out for your own sake.

So many times I see good people with great potential and talent waste away on things that matter not. There are a lot of things that are done inappropriately, get over it. It happens. I promise! There is no bad without there being good. More times than not I have watched, and listened, to someone rant about all things wrong with everything. You have to understand that is the majority of existence. It doesn't matter what you are looking at or for, there is something wrong with everything you can think of.

The most common talent I see wasted are artists. It is true that this age has thrown them by the side of the road like the beaten man in the good Samaritan. Yes, and like I said before there is overwhelming evil in anything you can think of. I have friends who are awesome artists. More than a handful. Many. I encourage them to hang in there. They are all different people, and different artists.

This world is starting to design itself out of the need for human talent. Farmers are being replaced by hormones and machines. Law enforcement being replaced by cameras. Artist and musicians being replaced by computers. Assembly line workers being replaced by mechanical arms. There is good in all of this if you look for it. You have to look for it though.

Farming is now becoming individualized. If you don't want mass produced, genetically engineered products, grow your own. Cameras are a huge leap. While they provide a sense of responsibility and help, most people see them as a violation of a right of privacy and a "big brother". Whatever way you see it, they capture life. Artist and musicians will never be replaced because their minds are more creative than a computer, they also have an emotion called bravery. Assembly line workers are now free to spend more time with their family (something I know all families could use) and find (and do) what they really want with their lives.

True there is an inherent reaction in our generational code (and I mean generational by 100's of years, not 10) to see the negative, but what if we forced focus on the positive no matter how small. Don't confuse this with optimism now, these things are real. Small, but real and they will not succeed and prosper by optimism, it will take a lot of hard work, dedication of many, effort of most, and never comes without sacrifice. Think about that the next time you see something negatively or in a overbearing darkness. Throw your optimism book away and DO something. Optimism is usually talk, not action.

The den of darkness cannot stay dark when a light is lit, everything gravitates towards the light.

Real speak.

So as you know, I've been on a mission to tear apart anything that mascarades as happiness, positive, and optimistic approaches to life in order to get to the reality of what really is.

I read something the other day with Will Smith's face on it that said (and I'm paraphrasing) reality is a pile of dung. It stated that no one ever got anywhere (made any progress) being real. You have to be unreal. I would argue, and yes I would argue with anyone that said that, that you have to be grounded in reality to get anywhere. Yes anything is possible, but nothing is possible standing on quicksand. Less is possible standing on the backs on other people. What if they fall?

Which leads me to my next point. If people would actually say what they wanted to say, they would be able to have meaning behind it. Some many times people dance around the reality of an issue or belief, that they end up doing more harm than good when they open their mouths. A blanket of happiness and optimism solves nothing. If anything it sweeps things under the rug instead of killing them right there and then. Things that die are gone for good, things that are under blankets and rugs, fester, mold, and stink. Encouragement is encouragement, but not saying what you mean is downright torturous and borderline abusive.

Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

This is from Brave by Sara Bareilles. The key is in the ability to stop holding your tongue. Be brave. Not every one can do that.

Energy is the new Skinny.

Everyone wants so much energy. If you don't have any, then there must be something wrong with you because tired isn't normal or healthy. If you're out, you can always get more.

Whoa! When did this happen?

I remember being younger and looking at guys in the gym that were the size of bears and silver-back gorrillas who could runs laps around the gym between their sets. I specifically remember thinking that there was something inherently wrong with that picture.

Just like skinny models, eventually the image stuck. Americans, by far, became unhealthy and these individuals became the poster child for health. One problem. That amount of energy and level of exercise is not normal or average. All the sudden you could refuel on gas and energy at the same time.

Just like skinny, however, more energy doesn't always translate to being healthy. Yes it is true that healthy individuals have better energy than unhealthy people, but that level is different for each person. A woman with curves is never going to be as skinny as she wants, but that is only because of a social stigma. Someone who works overnights and has 2 kids, is never going to have the energy of a gym rat, or performance athlete.

So why did we start measuring ourselves by the standards of what was socially acceptable? When we got so far off path that we needed to overcompensate the other way.

No one can change your bed time for you. Stop looking at pictures to get what you want and find out what you need to do to get it. The picture of a healthy person does not have on the picture what their healthy diet looks like. A person with energy doesn't show you in a picture what kind of life style they live, their eating, sleeping, and exercising routines in life.

Start where you are with your energy level and find ways to increase it. More coffee, energy drinks, sugar, it's not going to work. Eating healthier is NOT an overnight fix. There aren't any. There is not magic pill, there is no one formula. Find something you can commit to, and stick with it, that's probably the best advice you could get.

There is something to be said for having pure energy and being healthy. I will not take away from that. It is awesome. Just don't kid yourself into thinking that what you see is what you want. What you need, is what you want, and most of the time we aspire for more than what we need.

Progress isn't always forward and upward isn't always a straight line.

Optimism is a drug, not a reality. This is the part where you get to take your philosophy, psychology, and religion and shove it somewhere. Any of those theories that you subscribe to, take a back seat. Life hits you square in the face while you've been debating the latest religious scandal or philosophical trend.

Stop talking about your life and live it! There is freedom in living.

I've always hated it when people have called me optimistic. I am not one. I have been dealt many things I never wish on anybody, and I have had to deal with many problems that I did not think I could and didn't think was fair.

Everyone has their own set of problems that are their problems and they need them dealt with, not swept under a rainbow colored rug or told to power through.

There is a real cost to the reality of life. There is a real path that is created by your reality, and no matter what that path looks like, don't detour from it. No matter how hard it is, or who is telling you whatever, stay on that path. I have lost many things because I stayed on my path at times when I would have rather gotten off and "saved" something.

Optimistic people use it as a drug to cover their feelings. That's as bad as depression. Religious people tend to do the same things. Life is not created by positive effort. Life has hardships I don't care who you are. It takes a strong will and determination. Ask the girl who was homeless for 3 years on her own if optimism got her here. Ask the converted drug user if optimism helped him break his addiction. Determination and focus are the keys, how you carry those keys has a lot to do with the success of your endeavor.

All the cliches need to die. All the passerby statements need to be murdered.

An optimistic den is a den full of life but not one soul. Don't buy it, pick a different den.

When you are making progress learn to take the downs with the ups. Athletes get injured. Dad's lose their jobs. Kids make mistakes. You are going to have both productive and difficult days. Be ready for both.

Bravery and courage are not optimism. Friendly and engaging isn't optimism. So go ahead. You have permission to do these things and not be optimistic about your day or life. You can have a good day and it has nothing to do with optimism. Sometimes people say you are optimistic because they are surrounded by difficulties, not you.

In your den create an atmosphere where optimism is uncomfortable but sharing is absolutely the norm. Create a den that is safe from outside influences that you can frequent to regain focus, determination, and clarity over your life. More people need these Dens!

Move or lose. You choose the air you breathe.

Negative things are not restricted to your life, your job, or your thoughts. I say negative because of the impact that certain events, thoughts, and surroundings have on us.

Everyone's jobs can be very difficult and seem overwhelming at times. Everyone struggles with different thoughts, or as some call them demons, which is why the same event can have different outcomes for different people.

A nurse may be seem better at handling death just like an athlete or actor seems to handle public criticism better than most. It's not the numbness that gets them through the job, it's the positive things that happen. The life that is saved, the hits, runs scored, and being a positive role model that gets them going.

A dead beat dad can choose many avenues to change his life. One is not greater than another.

All my life, the little things that people seemed more intent on focusing on (good or bad), the more I wanted to show them a huge, wide-open world! Don't get stuck on one (good or bad) thing. Nothing should consume you. Anything subject to consumption always ends up as waste. Don't be consumed.

Get real with your self.
You feel sad. Ask yourself why.
You feel scared. Ask why?
You feel ....... Ask why?
This is not a time where you circumvent the answer and assume it's bad or wrong. No, find out the answer and work with it.

You feel someone has an agenda, ask, and clear the air. Don't stand there with that yoke around your neck while you pretend to have a meaningful conversation with them.

Get out of your den when it isn't peaceful. Don't stand around waiting on a miracle when you have the power for a solution. Don't be so weak either. Things outside of your control are not capable of knocking you off course. Things you can control are!

Proceed with Caution?

Whenever someone tries something new, they always tend to commit (or appear to) hardcore. Most people also don't handle downtime very well. Then there is the whole routine concept.

Day 3 of this blog was ...I don't know the word for it. Confusing? Difficult? Evading?

How do you proceed with new things? Try the other way. Most of the time, I have tried new things with extreme commitment and dedication. This isn't to say that those are bad, just that there is a different way to try things. Usually when I do things this way and they don't work out, there is a let down. A huge letdown. Dedication does not always equal hardcore. Most of the time it's the steady determination of what you've made your mind up to do.

I don't always agree with the way other people do things, motivate others, or "achieve success".

There does come a time when you do have to push everything aside and just commit, but motivation comes from inside. For anyone to think that they can externally motivate someone properly is like trying to tame a lion the same way you would a dog.

Too much of a good thing is actually a bad thing. Downtime is very necessary. Too much of it can lead to many bad things. Not enough of it leads to different problems. When you feel like downtime is boring you, or you feel bored, do something. Too much downtime leads to depression, fear, fatigue, obesity, lack of confidence, and the list goes on and on and on. Not enough downtime leads to a different kind of fatigue, irritability, stress, anxiety, and insecurities.

I'm not claiming to have a complete handle on downtime. Handling downtime properly has a lot to do with what you are doing when you aren't in downtime. Happiness isn't something that you can force or that happens when.......fill in the blank. It is something that happens when you hit the ball on the sweet spot often.

So get into a routine, but be patient with yourself. Things may be going well and then SNAP!, something unexpected happens and you get to "handle" it. Obstacles aren't excuses, they are events. Treat them as such.

I was starting to get healthier, joints were slowly feeling better, the gym was slowly becoming part of my routine, and then SNAP! The only leg joint below my hips not to have any problems snapped for no reason. Obstacle. Yes it kept me from the gym for a day (it was painful). Yes it caused unexpected and unwelcome downtime. Yes it put a camouflaged speed bump in my routine and threatened to throw everything of course. Yes. But my determination isn't attached to a daily routine or outcome. My unexpected down time is something I have to find benefit in, even if I don't need it. And my routine will only strengthen because of this event. It has to.

My goals allow for delays, they don't allow for complete failure or excuses.

Skipping, Guilt, and Failure

Don't skip, unless it's the type you do while enjoying a beautiful day. It doesn't matter what your excuse is, don't skip. I have a lot of obstacles in my life, but less excuses. Try to not let your obstacles be your excuse. This is called powering through, being courageous, showing bravado.

Don't listen to the news! The world is going to do whatever it does. You cannot change that, and you aren't called to change it or control it. If you make an excuse, or skip something, or fail at something don't sit around feeling guilty about it. Apologize to yourself about it (mean it) and then continue the rest of your day without those obnoxious leaches around.

If you are going through a difficult time in your life, climb out of it by taking small steps and noticing when you are doing these things. Don't overwhelm yourself and try to do everything at once, just teach yourself to attack these areas specifically.

Get back to something small you love to do. For me it was Baseball. Baseball season couldn't have started at a better time. I am nursing a sprained ankle (and unhealthy body) back to health and hope to start playing again mid-season, but watching it and being involved in it helps motivate me and keep me preoccupied with better things than beating myself up.

Remember only skip in the rain, never use guilt on anyone including yourself, and failure happens, deal with it, it's the best teacher there is!

Simple Start

Don't worry. That is the key to everything. Seriously.

I don't know what a first post is suppose to look like and I will probably re-tune and refine my style and techniques, but I want to start my blog where I am now.

So we will start here. Today, eating.

"Sometimes you get tired of eating". My roommate said the night before, and it was like my body decided to accept that statement. I was tired of eating WHAT I was eating.

The constant struggle to match my habits with a plan, didn't coexist anymore. So I dropped protein in favor of more veggies and fruits, and my body started acting better! My body was telling me change your diet, or add more variety. Mix things up. Just like working out, sometimes you have to change things up.

Get out of the den and move around a little. Experiment with different things. Don't always stay captive to what some program or routine tells you to. Listen to your body because when you stop it will rebel!